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shyly, he suffered the group's thirst for details, explaining that he'd popped the question at Ellen's Stardust Diner. he and Kara were having cheeseburgers and chocolate malteds when a doo-wop group came over, serenading them with 'The Chapel of Love'. Peter produced a jewel box containing a deep-fried onion ring, and slipped it on Kara's finger. " i love you a lot," he said, " but this was all i could afford now. will you take me for richer or poorer?"

-- group by paul solotaroff


the sweetest thing ive read in a long time. :)


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some FUCKING adults,

should have more integrity,

rather than tell a FUCKING lie

and waste my time.

i am damn FUCKING pissed.

(and very hurt as well. i didnt expect some adults to be that cunning and dishonest.)


--




ever wondered how some people could possibly buy into some flimsy excuses.

this is because deception is a self-defense mechanism too. they know it, but they refuse to acknowledge it. they are merely trying to protect themselves from reality, which could upset them very much. and thanks to such people, i am spared from further interrogation.


--




time is infinite. life isnt.

when youre no longer in school, time seems to have lost its importance. as i was flipping through the calendar just now, i realised that a whole FOUR months has flown by in a breeze. back in school, time used to be such a crucial factor of our lives - when the school holidays kicks in, when your next common test is, when your term assignment is due before you get a big fat zero; and the list goes on. but now, as far as work is concerned, the only time that matters to you is, short-term wise - when you knock off from work; long-term wise - when the figure in your bank account jumps on your pay day. everything else in life has practically fade in its significance.

so this was how i wasted four months, waiting for weekends to arrive and waiting for my monthly pay.

maybe its time to stop wasting time.


--





and words repeat,
breathing histories into stories untold,
and i unfold.


--




i should have invested in insurance policies one year ago.


--



song recommendations -


so happy. :D


--



it wont do, to dream of caramel
to think of cinnamon, and long for you.

its strange how certain childhood memories only begin to resurface when youre much older. instead of wishing i could walk through walls like casper the friendly ghost, i had actually wished that i could walk into the wall and then merge with it to become one entity. sometimes, i wished i never existed. and there wus plenty of fear - fear of not knowing what to do in situations; fear of not knowing what could possibly happen next, like a victim in a horror movie anticipating the serial killer to pop out from some unlikely places; and fear of not knowing where to run to should the walls of my home collapse (they were never that strong anyway.)

whatever they were, its all behind me now.
its all behind me now.


--




here i am im sitting alone again,
im staring up at the sky
which at this lonely moment is my only friend
suddenly as i gaze upon the night
i notice the stars began to shake and dance,

and fall into the darkness.

they exploded down.
i knew what i had to do.
i ran up to the top of the hill
and took a hold for you
the sweetest star that fell
and yes i held on to it close,
to the numbness in my heart.

and i kissed a star.
i wrapped it up inside a golden bow
and i ran away just to find you
this was your gift a star that i kissed.


-- galaxy | jason mraz

if you need a break from life, just lose yourself in the beauty of this song.


--



some things never come your way, and some things never go.

one of the greatest luxury in life is to get up early on a chilly sunday morning, take a refreshing shower, then sit down to a cup of hot chocolate and plug in to some really good contemporary music on lush. perfect chill out, especially when you have just woken up from a recurring nightmare of some horrifying memories - snippets of the past which you have shoved to the back of your mind, buried beneath the folds.


--




random updates:

some people only wait until they are stuck in a huge mess before they decide to do some damage control - like myself now.

in singapore, showing your student pass openly on public transport is like asking for somebody to push you or to step on your toes. this is simply because the grown-ups tend to assume that you havent seen enough of the society, and hence that makes you an easy target for most things, good or bad.

i have been feeling rather destructive recently. on good days, i end up drawing multiple parallel lines on my arms with my long nails. on bad days, i am capable of blowing up ten blocks of offices, knocking down all the walls that confine me, and smashing all the windows within my sight - all of that in my imagination of cos.


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i dont know how i got to office this morning.

in fact, i have no idea how i get to my office every morning. but i do remember the tedious routine of pulling myself out of the comforts of my bed, the weight of my body on my poor feet as i shuffled my way to the bathroom with my eyes half-closed, and the daily hassel of choosing an appropriate outfit to wear from my limited wardrobe. i remember spotting the bus across the road and doing a ten-second dash to the opposite side as i waved my hands frantically to the bus driver. i remember a middle-aged man pushing his bulging beer belly against my back as he tried to squeeze on the train when everyone was already packed shoulder-to-shoulder. i remember an orchestra of heels clicking away, as all the ladies hurriedly marched towards their various offices. i remember the aroma of Delifrance pastries pervading through the street and my pace of walking slowing down as i contemplated to drop by the cafe.

and before i knew it, i was already in the office with my head rested on the desk - just in time to catch a short nap before my work began.


--





when we lie, we are probably trying to convince ourselves more than anybody else.


so why bother.


--




the truth is like a savage creature looking for the innocent and the ignorant to prey on.

when we were young, we were taught that education and knowledge pave the way to a successful life and a bright future. but now that i am old enough to think for myself, i realised that it is no longer a matter of 'what i know ', but 'so what if i knew '. often, knowing something isnt going to change anything, especially when its already a concern of the past. meanwhile, pretense and lie has indeed becomed the currency of the world (according to dan in the film, Closer) - it pays to lie, but lying pays off too. it seems that if you know the truth, its better to pretend that you dont and move on with life with another lie in your pocket.

anyhow, the truth will always hurt - especially when you have been living in a lie all the while.


--





i have been so addicted to freecell (my brother calls it the stupid unsophisticated card game; it can be found in your selection of windows games) that it has turned into a hopeless obsession.

midway through a conversation with a friend yesterday, my mind started drifting further and further away from her voice. in my head, i began to think of the two dimensional green box with the poker cards stacked hap-hazardly in eight separate piles. the only animation available wus the turning of the king's stoical face whenever i moved my mouse from the left to the right, or vice versa. my objection wus to restore the order of the cards by legally shifting the cards around the stacks, and i became so self-absorbed in my own imagined sense of purpose - while my friend wus still going strong with her monologue.


--










research and then, revelations.
the truth can be devasting sometimes.