Bacon McFlurry

It all started on a warm springs night following "Francheska's" birthday celebration at East Side Marios. Feeling a little bored, my friends and I thought it would be an entertaining idea to roam the town before heading back to "May's" house for the night. First we headed to Zellers and explored the movie section for a while, then we contemplated leaving some pretty cool navy Post-It Notes around the store with messages written in those snazzy gel ink pens, leading shoppers to a mystery location. The thought came and went. Then we wandered over to the toy section and May and I found ourselves a few giant plush bunnies. We left Francheska and "Lucy" who had more sense than us to go marching around the store, up and down the isles with our new friends, I named mine 'Flipsy', 'Flopsy' and 'Bunny'. When we met up with Francheska and Lucy again to put back the dolls we had no intention of buying, we had a container of baby formula. They were baby bunnies...

Nine o'clock had hit, Zellers was closing and we had to leave. We thought a moment and decided to walk down to the near by video store for something to bring back to May's house. We browsed around for a while, ate their free popcorn and then just sat down, forgetting about the movies for a while, and talked about odds and ends. It was about an hour later that we thought we should take out the movies and head back that we realized none of us actually had a card.

We left the movie rental place, hanging our heads in shame and vowing never to speak of that moment again. ...So much for that vow... We headed across the vast parking lot of the shopping plaza and in the direction of the movie theater where we could find a pay phone to call May's mom for a ride. It was during this walk that the reoccurring idea came back to us. Francheska thought it would be amusing to order a McFlurry and ask them to "make it bacon", referring to their commercials for hamburgers and such. I, a little hyped up on coffee, was willing to give it a go on the condition that I wouldn't have to be the one to pay for it. The stage was set.

We entered the McDonalds and Francheska and Lucy found themselves a seat around the corner from the cash and were soon joined by May who realized she wouldn't be able to contain her fits of laughter. I walked up and asked the girl behind the register who looked about my age for a McFlurry. When she asked what kind I asked "Could you make it bacon?". Straight face and everything. She looked at me a moment, a little baffled. I don't think she thought she heard me correctly and she listed off the available flavours. I'm like "No, could I have a bacon one. A bacon McFlurry?". She stared at me in disbelief. "A bacon McFlurry?". "That's right. A bacon McFlurry." I replied. She went over the possibility and I suggested maybe some bacon bits could be added to the ice cream and mixed up. She said they didn't have bacon bits. Then I asked if they could maybe fry up some strips of bacon, chop them up and stir them in. She debated it a moment, called her friend over to help work out the details and asked me if I was serious about this, if I wasn't just going to take off when they made it. My reply was "Here's my money," I slid the five dollar bill across the counter, "Make me a bacon McFlurry please." She shook her head, took the money and gave me the change. She then called out the manager and they figured out how much bacon would go in a bacon McFlurry. I called over to my friends around the corner who couldn't tell what was going on that they'd called out the manager and were deciding how much bacon should go in. This sent them into another fit of hysterical laughter. When I looked back at what was going on over the counter the manager had a small plate with three strips of bacon on it and was carrying it over to be chopped.

I waited around patiently for my McFlurry and looked around. A piece of candy hit me in the side of the head and bounced to the floor. I looked to the direction of the flying food and noticed it'd come from a group of 12 year olds sitting behind a half wall with fake plants along the top at a booth. Before I could investigate into this matter further my McFlurry was ready. My friends all gathered 'round for a taste. It wasn't as bad as you'd think. You know how sometimes when you mix two things it combines the two flavours into a disgusting contraption of its own? This didn't. The two stayed separate. It was good. Crunchy. Some might object to the aftertaste, but it was nothing more than the usual taste bacon left behind. Anyways, after we'd had our fill, about a bite or two each, we thought we'd leave but as we passed the youngins I was reminded of the candy and stopped everybody a moment.

I asked them which one was the one who threw a piece of candy at my head. I wasn't intending to do anything to them, I was just maybe hoping for an apology. One of the brats said something to the effect of "Wow, that was a lucky shot. I just meant to throw it over my shoulder. I'm good!" and he and his little friends had a little laugh. Well, let's just say words were exchanged and these little people had some pretty foul mouths for 12 year olds and it ended up in my putting the bacon McFlurry lid (all covered in bacon and ice cream goo) into a half finished cup of orange pop and in the end having myself poised with a spoonful of bacon McFlurry all ready to fly, my friends shouting "don't do it!" in the background. One of the kids had turned around in his booth, they took up two, looked me square in the eye and threw a Gobstopper at me which bounced off of the center of my forehead. "That's it!" I cried and I flicked that bacon McFlurry at them, it landed all over his coat and probably splattered onto the others as well.

I turned around, immediately regretting my actions, and Lucy was frantically shouting "Holy @#$$^#, let's get the hell out of here!!". We bolted out the door and up the hill towards the six lane highway, the movie theater was on the other side. I turned around and noticed an angry mob of about twenty people, not all twelve, many about twenty and all guys running out of the franchise screaming "There's the bitch who threw the McFlurry at us. Let's kick her ass!". I ran. I ran like there was no tomorrow.

By the time I reached the highway I was lucky and it was one of those freak moments where a busy road doesn't have any traffic for about fifteen seconds, cause I was willing at that point to take my chances with oncoming traffic to get away from that mob who was quickly gaining. I stumbled about halfway across the highway, mid-lane, and almost fell. I could see the cars coming at quite a high speed around the corner and gave myself the little pep talk that saved me from becoming road kill; "get up, Get Up. GET UP!!!". I reached the other side and caught up with my friends. We debated over where to go hide from this angry mob and decided on the movie theater, although it would've been the obvious choice. We ran through the parking lot and ended up getting ourselves fenced in. Because of some construction that was being done, an orange fence was going around three of the four sides of the parking lot and we'd have to have gone all the way around to get to the theater. A waste of valuable time. May saw someone push the fence down and step over to get to their car. "Why don't you try that?" was her suggestion to me. Of course I fell flat on my face in the dirt. By the time I got up and brushed myself off, the three of them had gone all the way around and were standing beside me waiting.

We ran into the movie theater towards the phone and I still wanted to hide, I was afraid of a)having the crap beaten out of me, b)having the cops called on me, I was old enough to be charged and the little ones weren't, or c)a bit of both. Lucy shouted "Look, there they come!" and Francheska and I bolted out the back doors.

We headed out through the back alley and made our way in through the side door of a Burger King. We hid in the girls washroom for a while, knowing that they wouldn't be able to look for us in there, and waited. After some time Francheska thought she should go see what was going on and if our ride was coming or even here. She left and I asked her to hurry back with the news on account of the fact that waiting alone when you're being hunted by an angry mob is scary. She agreed and left.

Francheska's version of events for the time we were seperated:

Well, after we escaped to Burger King - we skulked through the back alleys - I left Marya in the washroom and went in search of May and Lucy. I went back to the theater, only to discover that they weren't at the phones. I assumed they were in the bathroom so I went over to track them down. So I casually started to the bathroom, when all of a sudden I saw the mob coming in out of the corner of my eye. They spotted me, and one of them yelled, "She's one of them! Let's get her!" But by this time I was already at the bathrrom. I knew they couldn't get me, so I turned around and waved a mocking finger at them and said, "You can't follow me in here!" So I went in, and I heard them arguing amongst themselves, and some of them were guarding the door while the others left to find Marya, May, and Lucy. I debated my options for a few minutes, over whether I should go out and confront them or just wait in the bathroom for someone to come and find me. I came to the conclusion that since I technically didn't throw the bacon McFlurry than they can't do anything to me. So I went out there and there were three of the little punks standing there with those Tribute Magazines held over there faces. Nice disguise, huh? There was a confrontation and the rest of the little mob joined them, so I was surrounded by 20 little people trying to pump me for information. One of them asked me where my "bitch" was. I'm like, "Excuse me?" and he said, "Your bitch. The one who threw the McFlurry at us." So some words were exchanged between us (They had really filthy mouths for 12 year olds), and I decided to try and lead them away from the theater. I was going to walk around the building a couple of times, but I didnt have to because May and Lucy finally showed up.

I waited and waited and waited some more. I eventually came to the conclusion that "my God, they've killed her!" and thought I should go back to investigate. I carefully made my way through the alley and through the back doors of the movie theater but by the time I saw them, I'd been spotted. I walked over to them casually, they can smell fear, and joined May, Francheska and Lucy whom they'd found. The twenty year olds were no longer with them which was encouraging.

Well, let's just say a few more words were exchanged and the little ones somehow got it into their heads that I owed them some money and also that I was no longer welcome back at that McDonalds. The coat wasn't harmed, the bacon McFlurry just whiped off, the drink was done with anyways and even if it wasn't it could've been dumped out for a free refill. I refused to pay them anything and we left the theater. The kids followed us out after a few minutes and stated that they'd been kicked out for causing a scene. I found that amusing.

Once again there were some harsh words exchanged and one of the little twirps took a rolled up Tribute magazine and took a swing at me. It scratched the top of my eyelid. I'd learnt from the recent experience though, and didn't do much in the way of reacting besides calling them something involving a few words too big for their little minds and watched as they got frustrated in not understanding the meaning.

We made our way down the side walk to some steps and we all stood around them, Francheska sitting. We were a posse. Francheska's the President, she called it first and it was her birthday, I am the Vice President, McFlurry thrower and all, May's the Enforcer, with her Karate training and occasional psychotic impulses we thought it appropriate, and Lucy's the Voice of Reasoning, she has the closest grip on reality out of the four of us. Well, I must say I've learned something from this experience. 1)Bacon goes with everything, 2)Don't provoke little kids, and 3)if you do, run like hell. They obviously had SOMEONE drive the lot of them there...