It was cold and I had not worn much. Just a thin jacket and a pair of light pants. I had not anticipated walking around New York City this late at night. The sky had given me little light and as the clouds began to cast over, I could sense the rain. My hands were shaking and I could feel numb tears flow down my face. I always got like this around him. It didn't matter how many times I've come to visit him, I'd always start bawling. No one had ever seen me this way. I always visited him alone. Nobody saw me cry. Except for him. My tears were worth him. He was my everything. He once meant the world to me. My cold hands shook as the petals began to fall gracefully off the white rose that was once beautiful.

I knelt down and let my hands caress the cold, gray cement. "Sorry daddy. I brought this rose for you. It's beginning to die, I'll bring you a nicer one next time." I paused for a moment and let my cold tears drip onto the perfect tombstone. I sniffled and continued. "Daddy…I quit school a couple of weeks ago. I know if you were here, you'd probably give me that look. But I promise you, I'm…happier. Daddy….I'm free. If you were here, I'd know you'd smile for me." I cracked a tiny smile for him and my tears were cascading down rapidly as I touched the cold soil beneath me. "Daddy, I saw John a couple of days ago. First time in five years. I'll tell him to stop by and say hello sometime. Maybe…he can talk sense more than I can." I took a shaky breath and continued on. "Daddy…I love you. And I miss you. More than ever. Promise me a place in heaven. We'll sit next to each other somewhere on the train in the sky and tell stories together again. Just like we used to." The rain began to fall and I stumbled a little bit, forcing myself to get up as the rain pelted onto me like rose petals falling from the sky. I whispered goodbye and hailed yet another cab.

I was watching through the stained windows at the outside world. The rain was still going on, but it was much softer now. It had let up a bit when I had arrived at the church. I slid into one of the slender pews and sat down. I stared at my hands and I suddenly couldn't remember why I had come here. I was never much of a religious person. It was almost as if I had thought that if I had hid inside a church none of my burdens would be so onerous and I'd be free from everything. And that's how it was like everytime I saw my father. Even now that I didn't have much to burden me, I had still come here as a safe haven.

I sat there silently for a moment with my eyes closed, making the tears that threatened to spill over wellkept inside. I wiped my eyes nonchalantly and sniffled a bit. I clasped my hands together and stared down at the polished wooden floors. The deafening silence was overwhelming me and when I looked up, I saw nothing but darkness. The only thing that kept the church lighted were hundreds of tealights. It was breathtaking.

I was startled when a familiar voice softly called my name.

"Juliet…is that you?"

I whipped my head around and faced a man with soft features completed with deep green eyes and spiky blond/brown hair. I knew he looked familiar but my mind could not seem to put a name on a picture.

"It's me, Lance, remember? You met me at the hotel a couple of days ago…with Johnny? One of his Nsync boys."

Recognition began to flow back into my brain. "Oh yes. I'm sorry. My memory fades everytime I meet someone new."

He smiled at me-this beautiful charming smile that didn't seem manufactured. Just genuine and wonderful. It was refreshing. "So, what brings you here?"

"Just collecting my thoughts. What about you?"

"I just needed time away to think about things. I needed some peace." He mused.

"Sounds reasonable enough. Do you always come here, Lance?"

"I go wherever I can. I mean, when I'm on the road, I visit churches every week…just to ground myself. I'd like to think I'm a normal Christian boy."

I laughed a little at that. "So. Are you on the road now?"

"Nah. We get a short break before we pack it all up and head off."

"In New York? Is this where you live?"

"No ma'am. I'm a mississippi boy myself. But Orlando seems to be hometown to all of us. We're just up here because frankly, we're too damned lazy to fly out anywhere and since our last appearance was here, we decided to make it home for a bit before tour starts."

"Sounds grueling. How is it that you can will yourself up everyday at the crack of dawn?"

He chuckled. "You get used to it. It becomes a part of your life. After awhile, you don't even need an alarm clock. Soon, it's all in your head." He smiled a little and continued. "So Juliet, I was just about to head out to dinner. I was planning on dining alone, but since you seem to be a damsel in distress here, may I interest you in a dinner with a popstar? My treat."

I laughed and immediately decided that I definitely liked Lance. He had a beautiful, calm, serene attitude. "It would be my pleasure, sir lancealot."

"You know Juliet, I hate it when people call me that. But I have to tell you, it's a step up from Poofoo."

I threw him an confused look and he looked at me as if I was his best friend. "Oh Juliet, no need to know about that."

That only provoked me to weasel it out of him by the end of the night. He opened up his car door for me and I slid in. I studied his car and slid my fingers along the interior. "Beautiful car."

"It's not mine. It's the rentals. My car is down in Orlando. I parked it at Justin's house." There was a moment of awkward silence between us and I silently wondered why I had accepted a dinner offer from someone I'd only met once.

He must've noticed my discomfort when he spoke up. "Relax Juliet, you're a friend of Johnny's and any friend of Johnny's is a friend of mine. So don't look like I'm about to kidnap you and ask for ransom." He smiled again.

I stifled a smile. I cursed myself for being like this. My trust in everyone had faded and it would be hard to maintain a pleasant attitude in front of someone I barely knew.

"So, is there anywhere in particular we're going or should I have taken your word for it and prepare to be tied up in a burlap sack?"

He chuckled and said, "Well, I was planning to go to this café I know, but is there anywhere you'd like to go?"

"Not really. Anywhere would be nice, lancealot."

"Are you going to call me that forever?"

"Probably."

We parked the car and I peeked out the window. He had decided to come to a nice, but casual beachfront café. It was one of the only nice café's that existed near a beach. It overlooked the water and there were golden lights streaming everywhere. It was beautiful. We got out of the car and headed to a table. The waiter decided to seat us outside, so we could take a look at the breathtaking water. We made a bit of small talk and the table grew silent.

That was the highlight of the night. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was comforting and safe. I sat there, with the soft breeze billowing through my hair and I watched the candles flicker in the soft wind. I had decided this was what it would be like to be happy.

CHAPTER 6