This really is the wackiest Westlife interview ever. Note: I did not write this. Which means yes, Westlife are totally insane. I found this so amusing I had to put it up on here. I'm now worried about Bryan....

Q: Do you believe the glass is half empty or half full?

Mark: Half full sometimes and half empty at others. It just depends what mood I'm in at there on the day. It's more often full than empty. Oh no, actually, it's more like 50/50, if you'll excuse the pun.

Kian: I think it's always half full. Because it was empty before and someone filled it up. If we're really lucky, someone will bung some ice cubes in and it will fill up to the top and overflow!

Q: What does someone called Trevor look like?

Bryan: Trevor? Oh that's easy. Trevors are, uh, not young and not old, longish hair, they've got a pretty slender build, Trevors are usually Geordies. Do I have anyone paticular in mind? Oh yeah, did I not tell you? Trevor's our bus driver. He's cool.

Q: What's the point?

Shane: It's a big concert hall in Dublin, we played a few shows there, heh heh! Oh, you mean the point of life? It could be the point of something else? Are you getting all philosophical on me?

Q: What do Aliens look like?

Bryan: Are you sure you want me to tell you? Aliens look like they're in Steps (UK pop male/female group-Gem). Quite hard to tell isn't it- but look very, very closely. Aliens look a lot like Claire and Lee from Steps, don't you think? (Hehe, go Bry!-Gem)

Q: What is the meaning of life?

Nicky: I don't know! These are quite difficult questions you know! I think the secret is just to be yourself, to live and enjoy it, to get on with people and to make the people around you happy.

Q: Is the grass always greener on the other side?

Bryan: Well, you see now, I'm glad you asked me that, because the truth is that the grass is only sometimes greener on the other side. And that depends on what kind of lawn you have and how good the fertiliser is, doesn't it?

Q: Can you describe someone who comes from Cheshire?(Me! MEE!!-Gem)

Kian: Cheshire? I've never even heard of it. (Huh!-Gem) Where is it? Between Liverpool and Manchester? Well, anytime I've been near there I haven't noticed any paticular oddities walking about, at least no more than usual. So I reckon a Cheshire person must just look like a normal person. Hello people in Cheshire! (YAYY!-Gem)

Q: Is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?

Kian: I've never heard that saying before.

Nicky: Basically that means it's no good having two birds if they're both out of reach cause when you get to them you won't be able to catch two anyway. So it's better to have caught one then go after two and failing. And I agree. I think.

Kian: (pauses for ages) Are you sure they're talking about that kind of bird?

Q:What colour is Wednesday?

Shane: Wednesday is a pale blue colour. The same as every other day, to be honest, cause we never know what day it is, they're all pretty much the same! (Helpfully) Holidays are yellow, for sunshine though.

Q:What would you find somewhere over the rainbow?

Mark: Well, being Irish I'll have to say a pot of gold. Although to be honest there's probably nothing in it. I went for the Irish answer instead of the Wizard of Oz one there, although it's a bit of a stereotype, and some people don't have enough of a laugh with the stereotype thing. Some tourists and journalists really do think leprechauns live in Ireland, and then you just want to say look, they don't exist. Get a grip!

Q: Why do men have nipples?

Nicky: Men have nipples because.... erm.. (calls over) Georgina, why do I have nipples? I haven't a clue. (thinks) You'd look odd without them really, wouldn't you? Your chest would be a bit too plain.

Q:How exactly does a stitch in time save nine?

Mark: Well I'm glad you asked me that. Lets start off by saying it means pace yourself. Go slowly. Take care. If you do a small task well, you won't have to go back and do it over, and repair loads of extra damage at the same time. Do you see what I mean? If you do one stitch properly now you save going back to do nine later, you know....

Q: What does supercalifragilisticexpialidocious mean?

Kian: It can mean anything you want it to, can't it? It's all about having lots of confidence and going out to impress people. It's like the magic ingredient to make whatever you want even better.

Nicky: (knowingly) And that's what makes the medicine go down.

Kian:(laughing) Shut up!

Q: Why should you never walk under a ladder?

Shane: Well, the idea is if you walk under a ladder someone might drop something on your head as you walk below, I suppose. It's not something I tend to worry about much to be honest.

Q:What's Madonna doing right now?

Kian: She's probably watching TV. If she's in the UK, no, actually, at twenty five to six she wouldn't be watching TV cause I can't see her being a big fan of Harold from Neighbours. Perhaps she'll be at work or...I think she's...well, she's a mum isn't she? So she's getting the kids tea ready. Fish fingers all round.

Q:Why do you never see baby pigeons?

Bryan: Because they're really fish and they swim in the water so unless you know where to look, and look in the water, you know, you're never gonna find them are you? You fools are all looking in the sky.

Q: Where do things go when they disappear into the Bermuda Triangle?

Nicky: Who knows? Haven't a clue. I've been quite lucky on this tour, so far I haven't lost too many things- I usually lose things all the time. But I do know that when you do lose things, they go somewhere where you will never find them. Perhaps there's a big shed somewhere filled with treasure.

What is your greatest talent?

Kian: I can talk like Donald Duck. I can! (demonstrates in duck-like voice) Hello everyone out there! How y'all doin? Where's Mickey?

Shane: You're actually surprisingly good at that, which worries me.

Q: Will you lend me a tenner?

Nicky: It depends what it's for. (very expensive cup of tea?) Nah, I don't thinks so. (bus fare home?) Yeah no problem. There ya go!

OK. I don't actually yet know which mental home they're in, but I'll get the address for you as soon as possible so you can send them cards.

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