Being such a dedicated Shane fan, they let me backstage at the concert, after I gently persuaded the body guard with pepper spray. So I interviewed him.

Gem: Oh, Shane, hi. I’m here to interview you for Westlife Mania.

Shane: *smiling sweetly* Ok. Fire away. (Look at those teeth! Arrgh!! How gorgeous!!)

Gem: *having difficulty breathing* Umm, are you getting married?

Shane: No. I can tell you, it was so funny, there was this picture of me and my sister in a car and the papers said it was my girlfriend. Oh, that was funny. Really funny. Know what I mean?

Gem: I know. Did you already get married then?

Shane: No. Although there was this picture of me and my sister in a car, and the papers said it was my girlfriend. It was really funny. Know what I mean?

Gem: Urrrrmm… Yes…Do you really like cars as much as people say?

Shane: Oh, No. I do like them. Strange things happen in them, y’know, there was this picture of me and my sister in my car and the press said it was my girlfriend. You get what I mean?

Gem: *smiling* yes. Of course I do Shane. Well, off the subject of you and your girlfriends…

Shane: Oh, I don’t have a girlfriend! There was this picture though, in the paper, of …

Gem: *screaming* Yes, I know!!!

Shane: OK, calm down. I was only saying.

Gem : *tipping Prozac down throat* Anyway… how much do you like horses?

Shane: I love them! I have 55. My dad and brother Liam are dealers and my favourite is called Carlton Flight. You know, I wear really tight things called jodhpurs. *looks down* they hurt a bit, when you’re jumping. Know what I mean?

Gem: *mutters* I can imagine….. Yeah, back to the questions. *still staring at Shane ‘where it hurts’* I could rub it better….

Shane: What? Hello? You there? *Waves hand in front of my face*

Gem: Oh, yeah sorry. Do you really sleep with a pillow between your legs?

Shane: *looks back down* Yeah, you need a bit of room. Know what I mean?

Gem: *licks lips* No. No, I’ve got a very clean mind. Know what I mean?

Shane: *gets very upset* THAT’S MY LINE!!!

Gem: *runs over and sits on Shanes lap*

Shane: *screaming* No! That was my line! I have to get on stage! Get off!

Gem: but… but…. Shhannne!!! *has trouble breathing*

Shane also starts having trouble breathing and security guard hauls me off Shane’s lap.

Gem: Sorry. So you don’t have a girlfriend?

Shane: No. There was this picture of me in the paper in a car with my sister and they said it was my girlfriend. It was so funny. Know what I mean?

I begin hurling vases at Shane screaming. Shane runs away, I am thrown out of the place, and Shane is seen on stage carrying several packets of pain killers. Another successful interview for WM.

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