Mock Bryan Interview 2.

Gem: BRYYAAANN!!

Bryan: Hey. Wait, wait, one sec- where’s the little italics bit you usually do before each interview?

Gem: Couldn’t be bothered with it.

Bryan: *sulks* Well, I’m not worth it then, hmm? FINE! Stuff you and your interview, I’M LEAVING! *stalks off*

Gem: NOOO!! BRYAN!! WAIT!!

Well. Here I am. Erm.

Bryan: *taps fingers impatiently*

ALRIGHT!! Well, I wanted to interview the bestest Westlifer there is. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get hold of Shane…

Bryan: WHAT?!

Erm, I couldn’t get hold of Shane so he couldn’t tell me where the best Westlifer, Bryan, is..

Bryan: Better.

So I found him myself. Um. Is that OK?

Bryan: It’ll do.

Good.

Bryan: Are you going to come back into the real world now, or are you going to stay in italics?

Oh, right, yes. Erm.

Gem: Voila!

Bryan: Very good.

Gem: So. Why haven’t you run off screaming yet?

Bryan: Why would I?

Gem: Because… I’m the infamous, terrifying vase thrower of Westlife Mania.

Bryan: Hmm. You don’t scare me.

Gem: *sulks*

Bryan: Oh, stop it.

Gem: Who’s running this interview?!

Bryan: Me.

Gem: Eh?

Bryan: Well, we got so rich and big headed that we bought the rights to run our own interviews, y’see. We have control over you.

Gem: *confused*

Bryan: What we really need is a slap around our heads. We’re so… arrogant. Wouldn’t you say, Shane?

Shane: *entering* Yes. In fact, we need pushing off a cliff. What do you think, Kian?

Kian: *entering* Certainly. Especially Bryan, he’s so fat and ugly. And me, I’m too vain.

Gem: Err?!

Nicky: *prances in* I think we should all just stop pretending to be good and shoot our posh, stuck up little selves. Whatsay?

Gem: *walks over to Bryan and grabs his hair*

Bryan: Oi! What do you think you’re doing?!

Gem: *pulls Bryan’s face off* AHA!

Christina Aguilera: *shrieks* NO! I’m Bryan!

Gem: *pulls Shane’s face off* AHA!

Tim Ash: No, I’m in Ash actually. NO, I mean, erm, I’m Shane! I need pushing off a cliff!

Gem: *pulls Kian’s face off* MEL C! I KNEW IT!!

Mel C: *runs off screaming*

Gem: *looks at Nicky* So who the hell are you?

Nicky: *looks bewildered* I’m Nicky!

Gem: Yeah, right. *pulls Nicky’s hair*

Nicky: OUCH!!

Gem: NICKY??!!!?!?!!

Nicky: I just told you that!

Gem: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!!

Nicky: *whimpers* I thought it was one of your new parodies….

Gem: GET OUT!!

Nicky: *runs*

Bryan: *enters* Howdy, pardner. *looks at Gem and gasps* You’re…You’re…. THE INFAMOUS, TERRIFYING, VASE THROWER OF WESTLIFE MANIA! *runs off screaming*

Gem: Oh. OK. Well, that was productive.

back