Chat With Kian

Well, I decided I haven’t seen enough of my boys lately, so I found Kian to have a little chat – a girl’s got to be updated, y’know!

Gem: KIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……..

Kian: Are you planning on adding and ‘n’ to the end of my name, or have I become a car?

Gem: Hey, I was just being pleased to see you. And besides, our overseas readers probably won’t understand the car crack.

Kian: *sighs deeply* I’m sure they’ll work it out.

Gem: Anyway… Kian, gorgeous, darling, angel, wonderful…. Did you know how stunning you look now you’ve let your hair be natural?

Kian: *smiles proudly and flicks hair* Y’think?

Gem: Yep. In fact, I keep having dreams about marrying you.

Kian: *squeals* WHERE’S MY BLOND HAIRDYE?!!!

Gem: *sulks* Well, if you’re going to be like that….

Kian: I’m joking. *pauses* Honest.

Gem: Hmmmph. I won’t tell you then.

Kian: WHAT?! TELL ME!!

Gem: Nope.

Kian: *grabs Gem by the neck* TELL ME, DAMNIT!!

Gem: *turns blue* AhhHGGHH!! ChhchHHch!!! ..HHGG!!

Kian: Eh?

Mark: *runs in* I think she means to say, ‘I can’t breathe.’ *runs out*

Kian: Oh. *drops Gem*

Gem: Thank you, MARK. *glares at Ki*

Kian: *begging* Plllleeeaaassee! Tell me!

Gem: Fine, if you insist. Did you know that .:wetfiles:. is closing down in 7 days?

Kian: *shrieks* WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *cries* But… but…..

Gem: What? But what?

Kian: I LOVE WETFILES!! AND I LOVE MON!!!!

Mon: *dashes in and hugs Kian* I KNEW IT!! *winks at Gem* One down, Shane to go…. MWAH!! *dashes out*

Kian: ……… Do I sense some kind of conspiracy?

Gem: Umm…

Kian: Do you know what conspiracy means?

Gem: YES!

Kian: What does it mean?

Gem: Err… I can’t be bothered telling you.

Kian: Uh huh.

Gem: Look, I came here to catch up with all the Westlife goings on. Now are you going to update me, or do I have to throttle you? Hmm?

Kian: Jeeezus, you just get eviler!

Gem: I’m trying to be civil.

Kian: Hate to see you really trying to be evil then.

Gem: I was going to compliment the new album. And the B-side to the limited edition World Of Our Own single. And congratulate you on winning a Brit award. Well, you can stuff it now.

Kian: Stuff it?!!

Gem: I had to read a Susan Hill book for my GCSE, OK? She says stuff it a lot, OK?

Kian: *collapses in a fit of giggles*

Gem: *kicks Kian*

Kian: OUCH!

Gem: You asked for it.

Kian: Scroll up. Do you see me say, anywhere at all in this fake, lonely little conversation of yours which you are writing in your lonely little room by you lonely little self…

Gem: Alright, don’t rub it in.

Kian: ….’Hey Gem, Kick Me!’ ?!

Gem: OK. *kicks Kian*

Kian: AGGGGGGH!!!

Gem: You don’t like me, do you?

Kian: Of course I like you. I love you.

Gem: *happily* Really?

Kian: NO, NOT REALLY!!! I CAN’T STAND YOU!!!

Gem: *cries* You’re…evil!

Kian: HA! That’s right!

Shane: *runs in to comfort Gem* Awww. He’s really nasty, isn’t he? Don’t worry, Gem, I’ll get rid of him. *swings arm around Gem’s shoulders and begins walking off*

Gem: *wipes away drool* Ah, Shane, you’re the BEST Westlifer!

Kian: DAMNIT! I HATE YOU, FILAN!

Shane: *sticks tongue out at Kian*

Kian: BUT YOU STILL CAN’T BEAT MY PELVIC THRUSTS!!

Shane: *turns, thrusts, turns back and walks off with Gem*

Gem: *drools*

Kian: YOU SO COPIED THAT OFF DARIUS!! YOU… OK, am I talking to myself?

Conscience: Yes.

Kian: Who are you?

Conscience: Your conscience.

Kian: What, so I’m flipping Garfield now?

Conscience: I’ve come to inform you that you keep making references to things most people won’t understand.

Kian: Like? That’s the kind of thing Dr Fox does, not me.

Conscience: *sighs and leaves*

Kian: NO! Don’t leave! Don’t leave me here all on my own! Pleas…. Ach, forget it.

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