Jaws

Shark. Big. Hungry. You get the picture. Cue Jaws-type music.

Strange Extra: AARRGGHHHH!!!

Splash. Lots of splashing. Big fake shark rises out of water, human arm in mouth. Shark removes head....wait, that isn't in the script!

Bryan: Look, there's no way I'm playing some dumb shark.

Gem: It's not dumb actually. It's highly intelligent.

Strange extra pulls arm out of t-shirt. Strange extra is not such an extra-it's Shane. The strange still applies.

Shane: You were going to kill me off at the very beginning!!

Gem: *sigh* But you were going to become the cool shark mad marine biologist who saves the day.

Nicky: I thought my character was the hero?

Gem: Well, kind of.

Nicky: Kind of isn't good enough! And who in their right mind likes sharks?!

Gem: ME! I do!

Nicky: That doesn't say much, does it?

Shark is presently removing its....sharkness

Gem: Bryan, keep the costume on!

Bryan: I'm not playing a shark!

Gem:Yes you are!

Bryan: No, I'm not!

Shane: Yeah, I mean, if sharks are intelligent surely you should get someone matching.

Mark: *clambering on* Hey, if you're so clever Gem, what's the scientific name for the false catshark?

Gem: *very deep sigh* It's the Psuedotriakidae family, species Psuedotriakis Microdon.

Shane: You know how to say that?

Gem: Actually that's one of the few I can say.

Mark: *sulks*

Gem: Back to the point. Bryan, put the costume back on!

Bryan: NO!!!!!

Gem: The Jaws film won't be the same without a killer shark!

Bryan: Go find a real one. And keep Shane as the extra.

Shane: Oi!

Gem: *sigh* You don't get sharks like that, Bryan.

Bryan: I'm sure you do. And stop sighing.

Gem: No.

Nicky: Are we doing Jaws or what?

Gem: Apparently not, now we have no shark.

Mark: Who's idea was it in the first place?

Gem: *upset* I just thought it'd be a good film to do, y'know....

Shane: Aww! *glares at others* Look what you've done! You should be ashamed!

Mark: Just cause you're after lead roles!

Bryan: Where's Kian?

Mark: Practising his role as shark hunter.

Bryan: What, the one that gets eaten?

Kian: That WHAT??!!

Gem: Gets eaten.

Shane: Bitten in half.

Nicky: Then chewed.

Mark: Slowly.

Bryan: Painfully.

Kian: I die?

Gem: No, cause we have no shark.

Mark: What part was I playing?

Gem: The ignorant mayor.

Mark: Oh, thanks.

Gem: You're welcome.

Kian: I die?!

Shane: No, you live now. Jaws died.

Kian: Jaws?

Shane: The shark.

Kian: Oh. Good.

Nicky: So I don't get to blow up the shark?

Bryan: You were going to blow me up?!

Gem: Yeah, into a squillion pieces. Didn't any of you read the script?

Bryan: *shuffles uncomfortably* Umm... of course.

Gem: Anyway, we might as well do some kind of a film thing. How about this new one I wrote, the Whale Watcher?

Mark: That sounds.. interesting.

Gem: *gets excited* It does, doesn't it?

Bryan: *takes a script and sighs* Very.

Shane: Can I still be a cool marine biologist??

Gem: Yeah!! The marine biologist in this one is fit, so there's no one else for the part.

Nicky: Oi!

Gem: Right. Action!!

Shane: *pulls off top. Drooooooool...ahem* Well, Colonel Byrne, we're going to have to do something about this Carch...Cerc...Crach..Carch...a...ro....don... umm, Great White.

Nicky: Why?

Shane: Why is your line easier than mine?

Nicky: I don't know. You chose to be the marine biologist.

Shane: Anyway. It's eating all the Yeew...bar...lay..nar.. Australians?!

Gem: Australis.

Shane: What the heck is one of them?

Gem: A whale. A Southern Right Whale.

Shane: Sharks don't eat Right Whales?!

Gem: Don't they? *thinks* Well, they do now.

Nicky: So, we need to find this shark?

Mark: Yes.

Shane: That's my line!

Mark: Yep.

Shane: Well, I'll say you line then. *runs finger down script* Maybe we'll see some of those...hehe..haha... *collapses laughing* What kind of a name is that!!!!!

Mark: What? *looks and starts laughing* That's... hahahaha ..

Nicky & Kian: *crowd around to look* Hehehehehehehe!!

Gem: What now?

Shane: That's a ridiculous thing to call a whale..... Hahahahaha!

Gem: What?

Shane: *spluttering* SPERM WHALE!!! *collapses laughing again*

Gem: Boys are so immature.

Bryan: But what about you? You are simply exploiting this fic to flaunt your skills in the office of Marine Biology, in a desperate attempt to sound intelligent.

Gem: *shocked* I'm not!

Bryan: Are!

Kian: Does that mean that Bryan actually has brains?

Bryan: No.

Kian: Didn't think so.

Bryan: What did I just say? I have water in my ears.

Kian: You're thick.

Bryan: I'm sick?

Kian: Shut up.

Nicky: Has anyone notice that we are no longer by the jetty and our boat is in the middle of the ocean?

Gem: WHAT?!

Mark: *laughing* Hey, look, Shane's in the shark suit *points at water*

Shane: I am?

Mark: *looks up to see that everyone is on board* Gulp...

Gem: *leans over* Ahhh!! COOOOOL! A great White! A REAL Great White!

Nicky: That's not cool! We're all gonna die!

Shane: Don't be daft Nix. You're going to die, after we sacrifice you to save ourselves.

Nicky: Hows about we throw you in instead?

Gem: Kian, what are you doing?

Kian: I'm gonna save the day! *pulls motor on* Woohoo!!

Gem: But...

One boat speeds back to jetty

Gem: *sulks*

Kian: I saved the day! I'm a hero!!

Shane: Wow, Kian, you saved my life!

Nicky: Yeah, Kian, you're so cool!

Gem: Well, that's two films you've managed to ruin.

Mark: You're welcome.

Gem: That doesn't make sense.

Mark: Don't blame me, you're writing it.

Nicky: Oh heck, a wasp!

Kian: *screams*

Shane: Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin alive, staying alive..

Mark: Shhhannnee.....

Shane: Whhatttt?

Gem: Shut Up!

Nicky: Oooohh, touchy!

Gem: *hurls script in air* THATS IT! NO MORE WESTLIFE! NO MORE PARODIES! I'M GOING BACK TO TOP RATE MOVIE STARS! *storms off set*

Kian: Did we do it? Really get rid of her???

Gem: YES!!

Nicky, Kian, Shane, Bryan and Mark: YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!