"I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond; that character—not wealth or power or position—is of supreme worth."

Adultery

It seems that adultery is widespread these days. In the marriage vows the two parties pledge monogamy. To violate that commitment is to break one's word. Of course, the married couple has also promised to stay together for their entire lives.

Most folks today do not view divorce as being as bad as adultery. The young folks know that half of all marriages do not last and they take that into account. The marriage ceremony is seen as just that, a ceremony. Many of them, perhaps most, don't intend that the statements they make during the ritual should be taken as sacred promises. They hope it will work out, of course, but they are aware of the odds.

"It's ok to change your mind," people sometimes say. That is certainly acceptable when we are talking about opinions on an issue, like adultery, for example. But it may not be ok in regard to actions. If someone has relied on your assurances and will be put at a disadvantage by your "change of mind," that is another thing altogether. The other party, knowing that you were going to fool around, could also have enjoyed other sex partners or might not have agreed to marry you in the first place.

Connections and Influence

They say, "It's not what you know, it's who you know." "In college you make the friends and contacts who can help you over a lifetime." Sometimes this is called, networking. Others refer to it as establishing a support group. In political affairs it is known as access. There are clubs and other sorts of social organizations that exist in large measure to provide mutual assistance to their members.

Favorable treatment is available in little things as well. It can be as simple as being a regular and appreciated customer at a coffee shop. When they see you enter they prepare your usual order so you don't have to wait in line.

As a consequence, people who arrived before you have to wait a bit longer to be served. In every situation where one person is advantaged though the use of connections and influence, others are disadvantaged. Should this matter? Even if it does, can it be changed?

The friendly folks at the coffee shop gave you special consideration without your asking for it. This can easily happen with more important matters. Persons in a position to help you, who happen to be good friends of your parents, may smooth your way in the world.

Is this wrong? If so, what should you do about it? Is it possible for the world to function in any other way? Would alternative procedures be better?

You could tell the folks at the coffee ship, in a nice way, that you would prefer to wait your turn. But if it is a one-time thing, like getting put at the top of the waiting list for the Air National Guard in order to avoid being sent to Viet Nam, the damage to someone else is done before you even know it has occurred. Should you tell your well connected parents that you don't want them ever to use their influence in your behalf?

Consider the process of finding employment. It could be required that all positions, even the least significant, be broadly advertised and filled strictly by the best applicant. Such a procedure assumes that we are able to specify the characteristics of best. It is often difficult enough to define what would be adequate. That is, judgment usually plays a role in such decisions. This leaves the door open for influence to enter.

Certainly it is possible for me to avoid using influence and connections for myself or to advantage others. Those who use these avenues of access will disadvantage me, but this is probably the best that can be done.

Courage

I used to think that the boys on the first team in football were the ones who had courage. There is a lot of hitting in this game and a guy can get hurt. Every Saturday in the fall they face an opposition as big and strong as themselves.

But there are other boys on the team. Some of them are quite small. They seldom get to play on Saturday. There is no glory for them. They run out on the field with the others, then sit on the bench and watch.

From Monday to Friday, they form the squad that the first team scrimmages against. Being smaller and less able, they are a relatively easy opposition. That keeps down the injuries that the starters might otherwise suffer in practice. Being smaller and less able, they get bashed around a lot.

They don't get much respect from the coaches or their more able teammates. Yet they show up every day, with little hope of any reward. These are the boys with the courage.

Kids Today

Clearly kids today want to do naughty things. Kids yesterday and centuries past wanted the same. Why? Because it is necessary in order to assert your independence. It is the only way to show the adult world and other kids, and perhaps most importantly to prove to yourself, that you have some control over your own life. It demonstrates that you aren't some wimp who is totally under the control of others.

Smoking

Sure, seeing you with a butt between your lips really annoys adults. And it shows other kids how cool you are, no question. But it's very expensive and ruins your health. Inhaling smoke is one of the most stupid things anyone can do. So, at least, don't inhale that crap.

Those who do inhale get addicted--all of them. You feel bad until you suck in some more smoke. Then you feel better for a little while. A half hour later, you need another hit. It isn't a choice anymore, you really need it. That's why it is so terribly hard to quit.

Booze

Alcohol is a legal drug for adults. It gives you a high. A little makes you feel good. More makes you feel better. It changes how you think and act. Some people get happy and act silly; others get angry and act mean. If you drink enough, you lose coordination. Some people drink so much they fall down and pass out.

Most people don't get addicted to booze, but some do. Some folks become alcoholics right away, while for others it sort of builds up, gradually, over time. Alcohol is a more dangerous addiction than cigarettes because of the way it alters the mind.

But it is probably an easier addiction to get rid of than smoking is. If you are unlucky enough to become an alcoholic go to AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. You can find them in the phone book. It works and it's free.

Other Drugs

Well, they are about the same as booze, except that they are illegal. You can get in really big trouble, especially if you sell the stuff. You really ought to manage to get by with the legal drug.

Sex

Sex really pisses off the adults. But unsafe sex can get you sick or pregnant or make someone else sick or pregnant. The basic rule for safe sex is don't take cum into your body.

You can also get into trouble with the law. If you mess around with someone else you better be really sure they want to do the same with you and that you can trust them. You ought to be really sure that the other person can trust you too. So don't do anything you're not very sure you want to do.

Break Their Dumb Rules

So what can you do to be naughty? Most adults have a few dumb rules for kids. Maybe there are some that were OK when you were younger, but that you have outgrown now. So come home fifteen minutes late. Do it deliberately. Don't apologize or make up an excuse. Instead, explain patiently why the rule should be changed. Then everybody can yell at each other and get it out of their system.

Please, don't do things that can really harm you. I know you have to be bad some times. But, are you about to ignore a silly rule that ought to be broken, or is there something there you really should be careful about? Think it through first. I care about you.

Which is pretty funny, since I don't even know you.

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